Monday, September 27, 2004

Deep In Conversation

Song titles that sum up my day:-

Blue Monday
Hitchin' A Ride
Rain On Me
Screaming Infidelities
Happy Shiny People
Beauiful Let Down
You Talk Way Too Much
Unwell


In a musical mood at the mo'. It's been a pretty slow day, thank god.
The best song to ever project what it's like growing up,

Vanessa Carlton- White Houses

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This bungalow alone with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trustI can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt I sneak into his car's black leather seat

The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mendI feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses [x3]


Saturday, September 25, 2004

A Saturday In

You Are Big Black Boots!

You can be best described as: attitude
You've got lots of it - and you love to give it
A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you
But if he's your type, you'll warm up... a little

What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find'>http://www.yournewromance.com/">Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows
You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

What Type of Beauty Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Scent is Glow

Fresh, sexy, and clean.
You're real, intimate, and exciting.
Your lush sensuality appeals to men...
And you're as sexy as Jennifer Lopez.
Power scents: Orange flower, grapefruit, and citrus.

What Scent Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!
Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.
If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.
You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

The PJ's You Are Most Like: Sexy PJ's

You're a hot girl, and you don't let anyone forget it - even yourselfYou have an understated, easy sexyness that men loveRelax a little - you look great even when you're not wearing lipstick!

What Kind of PJ's Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Will Be a Traditional Bride!

You're the type of girl who is feminine, old fashioned, and totally traditional.
You've been dreaming of your wedding day since you were young
And you can't wait to be a princess in your big white gown.
It's likely that you'll have a big family wedding and take your husband's name
While a huge affair will be fun, just don't go all Bridezilla about the color of your napkins!


What Kind of Bride Will You Be? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.


Friday, September 24, 2004

Non-existing Normailty

I was sad and depressed yesterday, as usual I vented it all out here for everyone to see and read about my pain. It was a shit long entry.
And thanks to the miracle of technology, it was deleted once I clicked on the "back" button.

All I can say is, thank fucking god that happened. I don't think I could ever bring myself to re-read what I had written. It was such a sad plea of help that would never be answered, even though subconciously I wished someone would.

To sum it all up, I actually miss the pain of us. I am also thankful that I didn't know it would end, because then it wouldn't have started, and I am grateful it did.


Today, I only went for 2 classes! The first period and the last. Two periods were taken up as we went to eat DIM SUM at SS2. We realised we wouldn't be able to go back in time for Socio. When we got back, me and Jolene had one more free period, so we thought we'd go to the library to get some work done. Of course, that didn't happen :).

On our way to Econs, we bumped into Ms. Sally, my socio teacher! Gah! She just had this smirk on her face as she passed us. It was hella funny. Though, I will probably never skip Socio again!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Speak Of The Devil

Results are out. No wonder it took so long for the page to load this morning.


I PASSED EVERYTHING!!!

Not with flying colours exactly though, but SO much better then my sems! My highest mark was for ACCOUNTS-shocker!! I got 2 B's and 1 C. What's a 48? That's what I got for thinking skills..hahahaha. Probably due to my MCQ. *sigh* Have no idea how to pull that grade up, guess I should pay more attention to it from now.

Am incredibly contented at the mo'. Very thankful I passed socio, after the horrifying lecture from Ms. Sally after Paper2 that everyone did really bad for Paper 1. I got a C! A grade higher..and evry close to a B, just one (or is it 2?) marks short. Nyeh, good enough. Anyway, this has really boosted my spirits. The best out of my forecast that i'll probably get is an AAB based on this (note- the BEST). That is more than enough for most major uni business courses, so I am over the moon! I doubt my chances of getting Warwick, but getting in any other Uni in England is good enough for me.

Will start with UCAS tomorrow baby!!



Exhibit Of The Year

I have been checking the Taylor's student portal everyday for the past few days. Results are still not out. *SIGH*

I have not started cracking my personal statement yet. Been busy enjoying this "abundance" in free time. I'll try copying the UCAS form tomorrow, and start from there. I read a few samples of personal statements on the net. HOLY MOLEY. I had no idea we had to write so friggin profoundly. I just looked up the ones specific to business, management and economics courses, and WOAH. My interest in business only came up like, at the end of last year. These people however are going on and on on how they have been interested in it for YEARS. Something about globalisation and macroeconomics and shit.

I am dead.

Not to mention their EXTRA CURUCULAR ACTIVITIES. Some were even in actual BUSINESS/ECONOMICS societies! What the fuck? Stupid English people have all the upper hand in this. We had no such crap. Plus, high school for me was just full-time uninvolvement in anything! What the fuck can I write? College hasn't even given me the chance to do anything either. I don't understand why someone would bother signing up for clubs that don't do jack! The clubs that are active however, are friggin overflowing. Some people (i.e. Jolene) are even put as a committe member, but have NO real post. Her name is just there, yet she has to do a shit load of things.

So it's either you do nothing, or be exploited for your services.

Why am I even bothering?

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Dissapointment & Regret Collide

Yes, I am a person that gets dissapointed VERY easily. I know this, yet, in a cynical way it doesn't bother me one bit.
I never knew myself to be a control freak until my friends told it to my face. We were doing one of those petty quizzes from a girlie mag (Cleo, I think), and it has some sort of personality test. My results showed (out of all things) that I was indeed a control freak.

Me: I am SO NOT a control freak!
Anis: Er, Azy, you kinda are...
Me: What?? No, I'm not!Far, tell her I'm not!
Farwin: Er, yes you kinda arelah..
Me: *speechless*
Anis: (upon seeing my expression) It's not a bad thing to be one, just shows that you want things done a certain way.

Okay, looking at it in a positive-skies are bright and blue-birds chriping sorta way, it might not be a bad thing. I do like things done a certain way, but somehow, I much prefer the term, high-maintenace. It sounds a lot better, and this way I can blame my "condition" on my upbringing (more specifically my dad for spoiling me).

Being a control freak also means that I'm not laid-back (one of the results from the test-which most of my friends got). That just contradicts the postive aspects of it altogether. Who doesn't like a laid-back kinda person? OK, I may just be green-eyed over the fact that all my friends got that and I was the only one out.

Control FREAK= very negative.
Note the usage of the word freak. Very negative
The word control, negative, no?
Not to mention the words it sprouts out in people's minds...

Perfectionist. I for one, KNOW I am not one. I don't own organisers for one (although the occasional post-it note I do enjoy). Er, Monica Geller from Friends! That is the epitome of control freak, I do not clean that much! Most people remember the syrup incident where it spilt on my uniform and I still continued eating.

*Sigh* I am arguing with myself here. Just dissapointed my plans didn't come through today, especially since I had high hopes for it. Plus, tomorrow's my sister's DOA SELAMAT shindig. A sure bore fest. I plan to escape to someone's room with my grandma because she hates these things. :)

I hate non-productive weekends. I shall make goals for myself to do next week on!

Fuck, I am a control freak.

P.s. Issue on friends shouldn't date has been pushed back, since I've allowed myself only one experience, wouldn't be right to generalize..plus, it would be a very predictable read.


Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Relationship V.S Friendship

Which boat sails the furthest? In this case, I'm not referring to the choice of being attached or remaining single, but more on if a friendship can truly stand through the tests of time and turbulence. The turbulence here, being a relationship.

I used to think one could fall back easily between the two. If you liked one another enough to date, surely you could be civilised enough to still remain friends? However, from what I've experienced, the transition to becoming good friends again, is a long one.

What kind of friends do you decide to be? Merely acquaintances or "mates'? Friends with "fringe" benifits? True good pals/ confidants? Friendship I have come to discover is a subjective entity, it doesn't just have one true definition on how the relationship between the two people should be like.

The values of a friendship however will remain. Trust, loyalty, honesty, gratitude, sacrifice, etc..
If one is able to be observant, these values exist even within a romantic relationship.

I guess the transition from relationship to friendship will truly be successful, if these values are still passed down. Minus the groping of course :)

On the other hand, I'm still waiting for this ship to sail and be on its way. Maybe the next issue I try to analyse should be if dating a good friend is ever a good idea.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Shiny Delights

Don't you just love hearing old songs you haven't heard in ages? Today I heard this song for the first time in years! I've forgotten how much I love this song.

Fuel-Shimmer

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for a while
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

(Chorus)We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools who fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend

Wouldn't it be lovely to escape reality and live in a champagne dream? Haha..

I've always considered myself a pretty big dreamer. I have all the typical girlie fantasies, imagining how my life would be like in the future, daydreaming about getting all the things I want from life. *sigh*
But nothing of the champagne kind, leaving me to question, do I dream enough?
My dreams of late mostly surrounds how my life is going now. The whole A levels thing and the prospect of going to England, and being on my own for the first time. The idea of living the ultimate Uni life swirls in my thoughts. I WILL HAVE FUN.

I've been hanging out with Jolene too much...



another note: EXAMS FINALLY OVER. *shimmies and shakes her thang*